Two different people recommended the same book for me to read within a few short weeks of each other.  They were right – this book has a really simple and fresh look on relationship dynamics on all levels from office workers to family members.  Since holiday season emotions are always on high and drama often ensues, I want to pass on this information to you.

This book provides a nice framework to approach a variety of issues and it may just help you navigate the not-so-good old patterns we all fall back into the minute you step into your family gathering as well as how you approach day to day challenges.

I will hopefully share enough insights that you can start adopting a few short phrases to carry you thru for now but I would recommend grabbing this book.

READ ON to learn the name of the book and the four little words that may help change your perception and your interaction with others…

Introducing the “Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins.  Just reading her introduction was enough for me to dive into this book so if you decide to read it don’t skip that part!  The Let Them Theory is a way of viewing things that gives you freedom because you are no longer burdened with trying to manage other people. When you no long worry about what they say, think and do you will have more time to focus on yourself.

Imagine

  • One of your family members is being difficult. Let them
  • Your significant other is not taking care of themselves eating too much and not exercising. Let them
  • Your adult child is making poor choices. Let them
  • Your friends leave you out of a dinner get together. Let them

I know, I know.  You are saying BUT you don’t understand.  I have to stop them, fix things, do things for them.  When you Let Them, you are allowing grown adults to be their true selves.  We cannot change an adult’s behavior for them.  We cannot influence them to make changes unless the person wants to make changes.  The Let Them theory is more than let them though. It includes a second part that is probably even more important and powerful.

LET ME.

Let me take my power back by being in control over my response.   Let me take responsibility for what I do, think or say.  This allows self-awareness, compassion and is empowering.  Let Me is your response to whatever you are saying Let Them to and sometimes this is a wake up call requiring you to be really honest with yourself at how you are continuing to enable and put yourself in these situations.

I want to share some of the examples that Mel gives in her book…

  • “Imagine you are at work, and your colleague is in a bad mood. Instead of letting their negativity affect you, just say Let Them.  Let them be grumpy.  It’s not your problem.”  The Let Me part would be “Focus on your work and how you feel.”
  • “ …maybe your dad makes another comment about your life choices, and it hits you like a brick. Instead of letting it ruin your day, just say Let Him.  Let Him have his opinions.”  The Let Me part is his opinion doesn’t  ” ….change who you are or what you’ve accomplished or your right to make decisions that make you happy.”  Let Me is also the wake up call of looking at your own part of this interaction.
  • Your spouse is overweight and has horrible blood work and is not interested in making any changes. Let Them.  Your nagging doesn’t inspire changes and creates more stress and emotional issues for you.  The Let Me part is taking a look of how you show up.  If you are enabling the behavior by cooking unhealthy meals, not taking care of yourself, not exercising then you are in the same boat.  Let Me take care of myself and lead by example with a healthy life-style and able to do more then perhaps slowly your spouse will take notice and want to start doing better on their own.  Let Me helps me take back my own power rather than feeling stressed about something I cannot control.
  • A boss, a coworker, a friend, a spouse stresses you out every time you interact with them. Maybe it’s their negativity, maybe the way they speak to you, maybe you are feeling devalued.  Let Them.  The Let Me part is where you regain your control.  First, you need to remember you are never stuck.  You can leave a job, a relationship, a conversation, etc anytime you want.  I hear the BUT you don’t understand coming however the reality is you have a choice.  Yes, alternatives may be difficult but it is still a choice.  The Let Me part gives you the opportunity to start focusing on what you really do want.  Then as Mel puts it so simply…”Let Me go get it”.
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There are so many things that popped up in my mind from the past where I wished I had this mantra.  Let Them…. Let Me…

While this approach sounds so simple and easy, I guarantee it is hard to break your own patterns and people in your life don’t like it when you change the way you respond to them.

Just opening the door to seeing something in a different light is starting down a path for your own health and well-being.

Mel does such a good job in giving great life examples and reviewing different situations that even just skimming the book you will come up with some tidbits that will help you navigate the holidays. Here are a few of her chapter titles:  Managing stress, Fearing other people’s opinions, Choosing the love you deserve and many more.

She does point out that this is for adults and not children because seriously, can you imagine seeing little Johnny put a fork in the electric outlet and you sit back and say let them?  This is also not for severe, life/death situations with adults and she is very clear about this in her book.

I want to leave you with one more sentence that jumped out when reading her book.  The Let them and Let Me theory is “about giving other people the space and the grace to live their lives- and then giving yourself the same.”

To your health,

 

Laura